INTRODUCTION
All children are growing to do what adult can do. They crave for freedom to do it as they want. Nevertheless, the parents have roles to play in management of such liberty. Your absence is dangerous and your presence is challenging. We must manage the two. According to Universal Declaration of Human Rights, Act. 19: “Everyone (Children inclusive) has the right to freedom of opinion and expressions; this right includes freedom to hold opinions without interference, and impart information and ideas through any media regardless of frontiers” (Paraphrase). Freedom of expression is rarely part of children’s right, yet it is critical for realization of all children rights. (Source: CRIN). Children have right to have an opinion different from their parents while taking into account their age, as well as their degree of maturity and discernment, children have right to have their opinion considered (Source: Humanium). This paper is not promoting independence spirit for our children as civilized worlds are. In Africa, we live collectively. Individualism of advanced countries has caused excess freedom without control due to strict enforcement of the law without culture bias or religious consent. We shall look into the diverse views of child freedom and management of this freedom scenario as responsible parents that want better future for our responsible and cultured children.
WORLDVIEW ABOUT CHILD’S FREEDOM
Some Parents’ View
• My child must do what I do.
• My child must keep quiet unless I allow.
• My child is still small to act without supervision.
• My child is minor. My child is a boy. He/she is the only child I have; allow him/her to do what he/she wants. And other African perspective
Some Children’s View
• My parent is too harsh.
• I can do it without my parents’ consent.
• I am also growing like my parents.
• My right is infringed by my parents.
• And other Peer group ideas and advice
Some Societal View
• Every child has right to his/her opinion.
• Beating of a child is ante-child.
• Africa – no child is ever free as along you are under the roof of your parent.
• Western world – allow them to express their mind, thought and wishes under the law.
MANAGEMENT OF CHILD’S FREEDOM
1. Empower the designated guardian: Parents of children in the boarding school have chosen the school as designated guardian in caring for the welfare and health of the children. Guarding a child for a parent is a business of trust. If the trust is ruptured, the children will know. Parent should entrust their guardians with a sense of liberty. If a child knows the intrusion and arrogance of the parents, the child will misbehave and will not cooperate with the guardian because he/she knows that the parents will surely fight back. This is purely psychological.
2. Create avenue to discover: Children’s freedom is guided in order to get information that will secure the future of such children. Over-indulgence will blind the parent to know strength and weakness of a child. That is why a child behaves differently in tertiary institution because you have not study your child to know how he/she manages her freedom at home.
3. Manage their growing adult mind: The fight for freedom starts as they see themselves as adult that needs respect. The parents need to understand their peculiarity that their growth is not static. Give them tasking roles in order to see the level of their mind-maturity at home before the wayward and free society confuses their mind with “you can do it alone” syndrome.
4. Use open and close supervision: Your supervision style must be spelt out. Open supervision allows the child to express him/herself without immediate interference while close is strictly with guide of the parent. The two can be used. Be dynamic and proactive as parents. Your style should start with close supervision as the child grows and develops in mind, maturity and discernment then switch to open supervision gradually. You can only do little, once a child leaves your home to tertiary institution. They will see you as intruder into their lives. Do your work now to give them right mind even in their freedom world.
5. Engrave your values and belief now: Freedom always contends with external values. Why? It likes to breed its own. Let your religious belief and values that are needed for life be deeply engraved in their heart before age will agitate for freedom. Some parents will tell their child “remembers the son/daughter of whom you are”. This statement has values, beliefs, principles and contentment inside. Have time to talk with them your reasons for values and religious belief.
6. Allow apprenticeship and participation at home: Freedom of expression for children can be guided if you intentionally involve them in home duties such as cooking, washing, environmental cleaning, car washing, room cleaning, bed laying, grass cutting, plate washing, etc. Do not give duty by gender. All these will be useful in their tertiary education life and beyond. When freedom comes fully, they will be responsible children you can vouch and boast for without any regret.
7. Think fast and be ahead: Go to the teen world and know what goes on there. Your teen years can never be used to curb or manage the present day’s teens. Be involved in the fun, learning and trends. If you are informed about what they desire freedom for, you will be able to guide and show them right way of doing it.
8. Improve your trust level: Trust is the benchmark of good relationship that can make a teen to allow you to keep guiding as he/she grows. Keep their secret confidential. Advise them honestly. Do not breach your promise lest they have trust in peers and wrong ones in the society. Respect their privacy within the house and among the siblings.
9. Do not force or enforce: Force is not always a corrective measure to instill obedience when freedom of expression is prevailing as child’s age goes up. Guide – monitor, observe and take commensurate action through reasonable dialogue, exposition to possible dangers of such acts. Force hardens the heart of children. Be their friends.
10. Avoid public scolding and embarrassment: Every child wants self-respect, self-esteem and dignity of being human. You can correct your child indoor but try to avoid public scolding. It will not correct the error but harden the child. Curses, abuses and public insult when he/she is with his/her peers reduce morale and activeness of children. They will later do everything to avoid your presence, deny your parental link and want to stay out-door such as: extra days in the hostel, seeking holiday elsewhere or bolt-up within the house.
11. Release your child: Home alone child is vulnerable and fragile whenever he/she is exposed to freedom like his/her peers. Sometimes, you can stroll out with your child or send them an errand on trust. Allow them to associate with their friends. If they are very young, you must check on them at least every 15minutes interval.
12. What you need to know: Know your child’s friends, peer groups he/she belongs, dream career, mentor, and street/ community model. Know the TV programmes he/she watches. Know his/her movement with shadow (gumshoe) surveillance. Know his/her aspirations and passion. All these will help you to guide their freedom right.
CONCLUSION
Children have lovely relationship if we know them. Nevertheless, the law of the land allows freedom of expression. As parents, do not over pamper or seal up their opinions. Start your responsibility now before they will stand to confront your parenthood. Love them. Guide their dressing, eating, friendship, learning, attempt, desires and excess of life. You will enjoy your labour of love over your children. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment